Baby Shock Page 10

  His hands tour my body, massaging and squeezing every inch while his hips never tire. He rocks against me one last time, and we both fall off the edge of the earth together in a downward spiral.

  We break the kiss to catch our breath, but neither of us moves. We’re stuck in place. Like this—connected—we’re one person in our own little world, but the second we part, we’re two people who could never work in this world. Neither of us wants to leave the little bubble we’ve created.

  “Ethan? Where are you?” Amy asks, opening the door, but Ethan catches it from opening, allowing her to see only a crack of his face.

  “I’ll be out in a second. Go warm up the car. The cold makes my neck hurt,” he adds on just to sell it.

  “Oh, okay,” she agrees, turning and leaving so he can shut the door.

  “I’m sorry. I completely forgot to lock the door.” He releases me, and we both rush to right our clothing.

  “Ethan?” My heart pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears, above the ringing.

  “Yeah?” he asks, looking up at me.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He freezes, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “You’re…”

  I nod once. “Pregnant.”

  He crumbles, falling into a sitting position on the toilet, elbows on his knees, hands in his hair, eyes downcast. This is not how I wanted to tell him, but it just came out of my mouth.

  My stomach is in knots waiting for him to reply, to acknowledge what I’ve said. My breathing is rushing in and out of my lungs at an alarming rate—so quickly that it feels like my head is floating somewhere above my body, no longer attached.

  “How? How’d this happen?” he finally asks, looking up at me.

  I shrug. “I don’t know.” My eyes begin to fill with tears. “I’ve been on birth control for years. I’ve never missed a dose.” I squat down in front of him, locking my eyes on his. “I guess it’s just not one hundred percent, you know?”

  He shakes his head and stands, causing me to fall backward. Luckily, the wall catches my back so I don’t tip over completely.

  He tries pacing back and forth in the small room, but it’s too small. I can tell he feels trapped from the wild look in his eyes, the way his jaw is flexing in anger, and the way his hands are drawn up into fists.

  “I’m sorry, Aria. I…I just…I can’t do this right now,” he finally gets out before turning and leaving me alone in the bathroom.

  A sob escapes, but I push it away. He just needs time. I’ve known for a week and I still need more time to process what this means. I wish I could say his reaction is a surprise, but I can’t. I’ve heard stories of the way he grew up. Deep down, I know he never really wanted to be a father. But I never really wanted to be a mother, yet here we are.

  I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand to study myself in the mirror. Forcing a smile to my face, I exit the bathroom, bumping into Vesper.

  “Oh, hey.”

  Her arms are crossed over her chest and she nods toward the front door. “He’s the father, isn’t he?”

  My mouth opens to deny it, to fight to protect our secret, but no words come out. The tears I’ve been holding back finally overflow my eyes and run down my hot cheeks.

  She knows the truth. She doesn’t say anything or judge me. She just pulls me in for a hug—a hug I need more than anything else right now.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Ethan

  She’s pregnant? Pregnant! How could this happen? How could I be so fucking stupid? Why didn’t I see this coming and avoid it? I’m not fit to be a father. I mean, what kind of example did I have growing up? My father ran out on us, turning my mother into a full-fledged alcoholic and leaving me to raise my little sister when I was still a kid myself.

  I ran away from being a parent when I left for the army. I told myself that I was doing it to help support my family, but the truth is, I just wanted to escape my life. I wanted to be away from my drunk mother. I wanted a little sister, not a daughter. I wanted to be a kid, but once that was all taken away, I just wanted out. This time, there’s no getting out. I’m going to be a terrible father. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby.

  “What’s going through that head of yours?” Amy asks on our drive home.

  “What?” I ask, tearing myself away from my thoughts.

  “You seem upset or something. Everything okay?” Her eyes flash from the road, to me, and back.

  I swallow down the fear that’s stuck in my throat. “Uh, yeah.” I shake my head. “I’m just tired. All the pain medication, you know?”

  She nods once, and I get the impression she doesn’t believe it, but she doesn’t press further.

  We ride home in silence, not speaking again until we tell each other goodbye as I climb out and head up to my apartment. When I step inside, everything hits me full force.

  I fall to the couch and stare up at the ceiling. What the fuck am I going to do? What’s she going to do? Does she want to keep this baby? Has she considered adoption? If she does keep the baby, does she expect me to be a part of their lives? I’ve only recently gotten my life back. I was trapped for so long that I had to join the army to break free. Then I spent twelve years in the army doing everything I was told. It’s my time. This is my life.

  I stand and start packing my things. I need to get away. I need time to think.

  I’m at the cabin an hour later. I start up the fireplace and light the lantern for some added light. I grab my bottle of bourbon and fall to the floor, leaning my back against the brown leather recliner as I doze off, watching the fire burn bright.

  I bring the bottle to my lips and tip it back, letting the warm liquid flow into my mouth, where I swallow it back quickly. I usually keep track of how much I drink. With a mother like mine, it’s something I’m always aware of—afraid that her past will become my future. But tonight, I need to get blackout drunk. I need to put things into perspective. I need to think about every angle in this fucked-up life of mine.

  Why isn’t my life mine? Why was I even born? I’ve done nothing but take care of everyone around me. And the first chance I get to actually live for me, I fuck it up. I’m not a family man. I’m a loner. I want to be the crazy hermit who lives in the mountains. I never pictured myself settling down and starting a family. If anything, I saw everyone around me moving forward in life while I ignored the world.

  I just want to be alone.

  I take drink after drink, not realizing how drunk I’m actually getting. My vision is already doubling, my entire body is numb, and all thoughts of Aria and our baby have been erased. Now it’s just me alone in my cabin, just like I wanted it.

  But there’s this feeling in my chest that tells me something isn’t right. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

  My phone rings and I pull it from my pocket and answer without looking at the screen. I’m so drunk, I probably wouldn’t be able to make out the number or focus on the photo anyway.

  “Hello?” I slur into the phone.

  “Ethan?” Aria asks, letting out a sniffle.

  “I can’t talk right now, Aria. I just need time to sort all this out. How long have you known?”

  “A few days. I needed time to process and decide what I wanted to do.”

  My anger spikes. “So you’ve already decided without even talking to me?”

  “It’s my body, Ethan. It’s my baby. So, yes, I’ve made my decision.”

  “And that decision would be?” The air halts in my lungs as I hold my breath and await her answer.

  She lets out a long breath. “I’m keeping the baby, Ethan. I’m really scared, but I have a good support system here. I have my parents and Vesper. And Ves will be having a baby too, so our baby would already have a little cousin to play with. They could grow up together and be as close as Vesper and I are. They’d be more like siblings than cousins.”

  I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I can’t believe you made up your mind without me. I mean
, did you consider what I would’ve wanted at all?”

  “No.”

  I scoff.

  “I didn’t mean to discredit your feelings, Ethan. I just made up my mind based on what’s right for me, whether you’re involved or not.”

  “You don’t think I’ll be involved?” I ask, letting my anger and alcohol get the best of my better judgment.

  “I didn’t say that, Ethan. You’re twisting my words around. I’m just saying, if you want to be in our lives, great. If not, I understand, and no hard feelings.”

  Tears fill my eyes and I shake my head, now annoyed with myself. “I have to go, Aria.”

  “Bye, Ethan,” she whispers, hurt leaking through her words, and only making me hate myself even more.

  I knew I’d end up doing this: hurting her. That’s why I tried avoiding her as long as I did. I knew I’d fuck shit up, and I’d end up hurting her after I’d taken what I wanted. I fucking hate myself for fucking everything up.

  I tip the bottle back again, letting it pour into my mouth.

  “Ves, you’re pregnant! Move before I hurt you. I’m going to rip his balls off!” Amy screams from somewhere outside.

  What the fuck? What are they doing here?

  I set the bottle on the floor and push myself up, stumbling to the door. The moment I pull it open to see what’s going on, Amy comes barging through.

  “What the hell, Amy?”

  She points her finger at me. “You’ve been fucking my best friend’s little sister?”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. My shoulders fall and my head lolls forward, eyes on the floor. “Yes,” I answer, not proud of my actions.

  “And now she’s pregnant?” She’s still yelling.

  “Yes,” I answer in a monotone voice.

  Ves comes up to the door and steps inside. “Sorry, it’s cold out there.” She steps between us and takes a seat in the chair by the fireplace.

  “What the fuck are you going to do, Ethan?” Amy asks, stealing my attention away from Vesper.

  “I don’t know, okay? I don’t fucking know.” I slam the door closed and start pacing the floor in front of the fireplace. Vesper just sits back and watches me.

  “How can you not know?” Amy steps in front of me, stopping my pacing. “You know exactly what you need to do. Question is: are you man enough to do it?”

  My teeth clench together tightly. It sends a wave of pain through my jaw. “Back off, Amy,” I warn.

  “No!” She pokes me in the chest. “After everything we’ve been through, after growing up the way we did, you don’t know what to do?”

  “I didn’t ask for this, okay? I never wanted to be a father!”

  “And Aria wanted to be a mother?” Her eyes are squinting at me in anger. “What happens between you and Aria in the future is between you and Aria, but you will be there for that baby!” She begins walking closer to me, causing me to walk backward until I’m backed into a corner. “You won’t allow this vicious cycle to continue. You will man-the-fuck-up and be a dad to this baby, because this baby doesn’t deserve to be abandoned the way we were. Aria doesn’t deserve to have all the responsibility fall solely on her.” She takes a deep breath, her way of cooling down and getting control over her emotions. “Now, get in bed and sleep it off. Tomorrow, go home, shower, and go to Aria to work this shit out. Be a couple, don’t be a couple, I don’t care, but you can no longer think only of yourself. You gave up your right to run away the moment she got pregnant with your child.” She spins toward the door. “Come on, Ves.”

  Vesper stands and they both walk out without another word. With a deep breath, I do what I’m told. I stumble over to the bed and fall on top, pulling the blankets around me. It’s been weeks since I’ve been here, but the blankets still smell like her. Smelling her perfume causes a string of memories to take over my brain. Visions of her smiling at me form behind my eyes. She’s changed so much over the short time we’ve been together. Before, she was a party girl who slept around with any guy she could. She stayed out late, got into trouble, and dated complete losers. But the moment we hooked up, something about her changed. It’s like when you finally see what it is that you really want—when you finally see that you have something to work toward. She saw something in me that I still don’t see in myself, but maybe I could. Maybe I could be the man she sees in me.

  Before I can think too deeply about what I need and what I should do, the alcohol wears me down, and I drift into a deep, dark sleep.

  I wake in the morning with the worst hangover I’ve ever had. My stomach is churning and gurgling, and when I open my eyes, my head fills with a sharp pain. I groan and roll away from the light, which only seems to upset my stomach more. My mouth begins to water, and I rush for the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach.

  After throwing up everything I had inside me, my mouth fills with the horrible taste of soured alcohol. I stand, brush my teeth, and rinse my mouth with mouthwash before going for a shower. I turn the hot water up all the way and sit down, sweating out any alcohol that remains in my system. I lean my head back against the wall, thinking about everything that happened yesterday.

  Then it hits me: I was so scared of being a shitty father that I almost turned into one. I have deep scars inside me that my father left behind when he took off, and the fear of doing that to my own kid was crippling. I was so scared I’d run, that I ran. A deep laugh escapes my lips when I realize this. It’s funny how that happens. Fear makes you do the stupidest things sometimes. In my case, it made me do exactly what I didn’t want to do.

  I stand and wash quickly, now knowing what I have to do.

  I have to go to Aria and beg for her forgiveness, and make sure she knows that she can count on me—that I’ll never leave her alone again. I want her. I love her. I’ve known for a while now, but I’ve just been too scared to say it. I want her by my side for the rest of my life. I want to rebuild this cabin for our family. I don’t want to be the loner man in the woods. I want to see my kids growing up on this property. I want to build a treehouse in the woods with them. I want to come home every night to her. Only her.

  I dress quickly and rush from the cabin. Jumping in my truck, I twist the key and it roars to life. Shifting into drive, I hit the gas and the truck jumps forward, carrying me toward my future.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Aria

  I wake in the morning and look around me, confused. But then remember that I crashed at Ves and Liam’s. I let out a sigh of relief, then sit up. My stomach turns the moment I’m upright, and I find myself rushing for the bathroom to empty what’s left in my stomach from last night’s party.

  Once I finish, I rinse my mouth and head downstairs. Vesper and Amy are in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead. How you feeling?” Amy asks.

  “I just puked my guts up, but other than that, great.” I flop down onto the barstool at the island.

  Amy sticks out her bottom lip. “Look, Ari, I know about you and Ethan,” she confesses.

  My eyes cut to Vesper and she tries to avoid eye contact as she stirs the scrambled eggs.

  “I’m not mad,” Amy says, bringing my attention back to her.

  “You’re not?”

  She shakes her head. “Why in the world did you think I would be?”

  I shrug. “It was more Ethan than me. He was worried that if things didn’t work out between us, then you and Ves would get in a fight and that could put your coffee shop in jeopardy.”

  Amy scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Liam made sure that could never happen…not that Vesper and I would ever be that vindictive.” She leans over the counter and takes my hand in hers. “Ethan just needs time to come around. I know he’ll do the right thing—he’s just gun-shy because of the way we grew up. He’s afraid he’ll let down his own kid the way our dad let him down. You understand?”

  I press my lips together and nod. “I do. But I talked to him last night and told him that I’m having this baby whether h
e’s in our lives or not. I gave him an out if he’s looking for one. Now, it’s just time to wait and see.” I bite my lower lip, afraid that he’ll take the chance I gave him.

  Amy offers up a small smile and shakes her head. “Just give him time to process. He won’t let you down, Aria. I know Ethan. He’s a good guy when it comes down to it. He just takes a while to process things.”

  “Thanks, Amy. I hope you’re right.”

  “I’m always right.” She laughs. “Now, let’s eat breakfast.”

  I spend the day with Amy and Vesper, and don’t get home until after five p.m. I ride the elevator up to my floor, and when I step off, I find Ethan sitting on the floor with his head resting back against my door.

  “How long have you been here?” I ask, noticing a dozen roses lying on the floor beside him.

  “Since this morning.” He stands, grabbing the flowers off the floor as he does so.

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  He shrugs. “I was afraid you’d avoid me after I made such a mess of things last night.” He holds out the flowers. “Can we talk?”

  “Of course,” I whisper, stepping forward and unlocking the door to let us in. I lead us through the kitchen and into the living room where I sit down. He slowly crosses the room and sits at my side, dropping the flowers onto the table. He sits with his elbows on his knees as he leans forward and stares at the floor.

  “I’m sorry about my reaction last night. I was just…surprised.”